


Desires

by scarlettholly



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 09:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlettholly/pseuds/scarlettholly
Summary: Yohane, desperate for any escape, finds herself loitering in a limbo around strange and static towns. One time, when she gets back home, Dia is waiting on her doorstep.
Relationships: Kurosawa Dia/Tsushima Yohane
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	Desires

The night hums in a frequency Yohane hears. She sits alone on the concrete steps outside a service station. In her hands, a hot chocolate from said station was cooling in the air’s cold bite. Staying there, like dull static, It was not peaceful but it wasn’t too much. Contrasting everything else. Plugging in her earbuds, Yohane let a few moments of reality slip. 

Time passed. She didn’t know how long. Her hot chocolate went cold and a man, much older, walked by, lurching at her the entire time as he headed into the station. 

Yohane gave him the finger. 

She still liked the attention though, although she’d never let herself crave such a disgusting thing for more than an instant. 

A strong breeze rolled by. Yohane wondered about the wings of an angel. That breeze would take them somewhere and maybe it would be worse than here. After all, things could always get worse. 

Yohane hugged her legs.

She didn’t let herself crave dreams of soaring to new heights, with wind running through her metaphorical wings and hope in her heart. Desires really were a dangerous thing. Both full of destructiveness and false promises. They hummed softly in Yohane’s ears. She turned the music volume up.

Tears started to form as her face slowly scrunched up. Tilting her head back, Yohane closed her eyes. 

She heard a voice. It was soft and polite. She knew it wasn’t real. 

“Time to go home.”

Yohane nodded, rising to her feet. She walked towards a bin, tossing the hot chocolate away. 

That was the one desire she’d listen to. Yohane started drifting through the unknown seaside town. Lamplight cascaded down onto bleak black gravel. She found her way to the bus stop. Two hours.

Sitting there on the plastic chair, Yohane watched her phone battery drain. When it finally died, the bus pulled up.

It wasn’t long now till she would be at the closest thing she could call home. 

The USB chargers on the bus gave her the chance to resume her music again. Staring out the window, she watched scenes pass by. Yohane didn’t want a destination, she just wanted to seal herself here.

She’d probably be taking this bus again. She guessed she’d be taking a lot of late night buses. 

That soft voice was there again and Yohane snuggled herself into the seat, listening to the way it whispered. Something about deserving better and not causing trouble. 

It didn’t matter to Yohane. Unspoken words wouldn’t change reality and her longing aches would fade in time. For now she would wait because everywhere else but a liminal space was unbearable.

When the bus arrived, Yohane stepped off. Her feet mindlessly walked her to her house. Her head was stuck elsewhere. Maybe still at the service station.

Dia was sitting on the stone step just outside her door. The dim and dull light above her flickered a few times. A large moth whirred by. Dia batted it away.

Yohane paused her music. “Dia?”

She looked up, lips curling into a smile. “Yohane!” The smile faded. “What are you doing out this late? You know it’s dangerous to be out after dark and by yourself too?”

“How long have you been camping here?”

The reply was a jerk forwards, landing in a soft embrace. Yohane instinctively went to wrap her arms around the person hugging her but she stalled. 

Dia let go. “I’ve been so worried about you. You’ve been ignoring our texts for weeks!”

The latter was true. Yohane acknowledged that with a nod. “Do you want to come in?” 

A faint jingle of keys and the loud click of a lock. The door opened. The moth from before flew inside. An extra guest.

Dia wanted water, health conscious, she always wanted something like that. The moth didn’t drink but Yohane did. Sadly, all that was left was some cheap liquor that would sear the lining of her throat on the way down. 

Yohane had water instead. 

Sitting on a couch that was always uncomfortable, Dia started the conversation they’d both been expecting to have. “Talk to me Yohane… How have you been doing?”

“Okay, I guess.” It was true. She was alive after all. 

Some part of her wanted to unravel herself to Dia. To tell her all the painful truths she hid and to have Dia look at her with soft eyes, reaching out to gently stroke her cheek. In reality, if Dia didn’t give her a disdainful glare, then she’d flinch away from the touch.

“Just okay?” Dia questioned, leaning closer. Her finger slowly traced the rim of her glass. Perfectly manicured nails contrasted harshly to Yohane’s chewed ones

Yohane shrugged.

“You can talk to me.” Dia kept her gaze steady. Perfectly calm demeanors felt so fake. “ _Always.”_

An eye roll was the only reply Dia got. Yohane placed her drink down on the coffee table. She wasn’t going to get hopeful about someone appearing to be supportive. The world wasn’t kind enough for that, it worked on forgetfulness and ignorance. Any kindness was a temporary echo. It fades and so too does the desperate desires for it.

“Yohane, please…” Dia was unrelenting. Maybe she had a conscience to settle.

“What do you want from me?” Yohane felt herself growing more numb. “I’m fine Dia. I’m doing fine.”

She looked for the moth. It hummed around a lamp. Orbiting the warmth and light, getting closer and closer each time. Yohane wished it could realize the heat would stun its tiny frail body. Only if it got too close that is, which it would. The moth would recover and would return, repeating the process.

Yohane looked back at Dia and all the warmth in her caring expression. 

The voice that she’d become acquainted with in her delusions, hummed to life. Offering a soft push to open up.

“I guess…” Words mumbled shyly under a tentative breath. A loose thread waiting to be noticed and pulled.

“What’s wrong?” Dia asked, already tugging on it.

“Honestly I think I want to kill myself.” Yohane scoffed at her own words. Pulling away and waving it off a second later. Eyes looked to the floor, not wanting to read the reaction. Yohane expected nothing that could be called good.

A hand squeezed her knee. “How long have you been feeling like this?” Dia asked. Another scoff from Yohane then a quick tentative gaze up. Understanding was etched into her face. Dia rephrased her question. “Have these feelings gotten worse recently?”

Yohane nodded. The moth stunned itself.

“Did something happen?” 

A shrug was all Yohane could manage. Things happened all the time and bad luck was nothing new. Maybe it would have been better if there was ‘a something’ to be solved and sorted.

“Have you talked to anyone about this?”

“A bit.” It was a half lie. She was talking to Dia about it now and that was enough to make it _technically_ true. 

“That’s good...” Dia’s hand slid off Yohane’s knee, reaching for the glass. She took a sip of water before placing it carefully back down on a coaster. “Have you been taking care of yoursel-”

“I’m not five!” Yohane snapped. Her hands grasped at the fabric of her pants, gripping too tightly. “Yes I have been and it doesn’t make much of a difference! I’m still fucking sad.”

Dia nodded, seeming unsure. Struggling to find the right words, she spoke. “Well these things take time I suppose…”

Biting back a remark about how many years it had been, Yohane shrugged her shoulders. “I guess.”

Things fell quiet. Yohane started to tense. Dreams of being honest flashed through her mind followed by the depressing and boring likely realities. Dia could tempt anyone to consider the gamble but luck was never on Yohane’s side. 

How long they sat in silence neither of them knew. Each second Dia grew more disheartened. Casting her dull gaze downwards, it was obvious Dia wasn’t getting what she was looking for. 

Yohane forced a grin. “I’ve just been going through a bit lately, it’s hard but it’s nothing compared to the flaming depths of hell I ruled over!” 

If Dia found what she was looking for then she would be content with herself and leave. Yohane could soak up the crumbs of her affection. Tomorrow night she’d visit another town, buy something sweet she won't finish and sit in a limbo like stagnation. One day she wouldn’t come home. 

“I promise I’ll be fine.” 

The smallest smile on Dia’s face showed it worked. “I suppose you will be…” 

The victory was hollow. Things stilled and both of them got the hint that the conversation was fizzling out. There was an expectation for it to end and following that, for Dia to leave. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone? You could come back with me- Stay a few days if you need?” There was a tint of desperation lodged in the back of Dia's throat. 

Words hung in the air. Thick and heavy. 

Yohane shook her head. “No need, I’m alright.”

“Listen...” There were tears forming at the corner of Dia’s eyes but she kept herself composed by the skin of her teeth. “Yohane, if you’re ever not then please-”

“I know Dia. I will, okay?” Yohane offered her a soft smile. A tone full of so much earnestness for the fakest thing she’d said that night. 

She looked for the moth. It lay unmoving by the foot of the lamp. Maybe it was dead. Another silence stretched out for too long.

“Well.” Dia broke it with a mumble that seemed to ache with all the things left unsaid. A conversation cut just short. Dia picked up her bag. “I suppose I need to get going…”

“Yeah.” There was a desire to say _‘stay’_ but Yohane ignored it. Her voice would crack and so would her demeanor the moment the word left her lips. “Get home safely.”

There was a curt nod. Dia stalled by the doorway as a suffocating static filled the room. “You'll get through this Yohane. You're the great Fallen Angel after all...” She gave one last apprehensive smile then waved a goodbye. 

The door closed with a click that felt too final. Yohane slumped to the floor. Lip trembling, her body shook in a faint languish. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Yohane dug her nails into her skin, desperate clawing to find some grounding through pain. 

None came and the illusory voice was a silent corpse.

The door clicked open. Fear shot through Yohane as her stomach dropped. She looked up. Dia stood in the doorway, face paling as she stared in shock. Her bag dropped to the floor. The loud thud made Yohane jump.

Terrified, she froze up. A deer in the headlights waiting for the hit.

“I knew something wasn’t right-” Dia came to kneel besides her. Fingers gently glazed over Yohane’s cheek. Dia lifted her chin up, staring at Yohane affectionately through teary eyes.

“I’m-” Yohane pulled away. “I…” She found no defense or explanation. With heartbeats so loud she could hear each rapid thud, Yohane waited on baited breath.

“How about I make you a hot chocolate and we have a proper conversation?”

**Author's Note:**

> I dont have much to say...  
> This started as a depressing drabble about Hot chocolate for an event and snowballed. Whoops. I do hope you enjoyed it though.


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